8 Reasons Why You Can’t Get a Boyfriend

You cook and you clean, but you’re still nowhere near getting that ring — WTF?! If you feel like you’ve got a lot to offer, but still haven’t found the one, you may be wondering what the problem is. Well, it may be you — hear me out! Don’t worry, this isn’t the misogyny you’re used to, but more of an observation on the common frustrations women face. Here are eight reasons why you’re still single, even though you’re a catch.

8. You Don’t Want to Settle

Off top, chances are, you view relationships like an investment — you want the best bang for your buck, and don’t want to settle for less. You know the type of people that settle: people who think their window of opportunity is closing sooner than they expected. You see people worried that real love isn’t in the cards for them, especially considering nobody’s getting older, so they settle for somebody that’s just good enough. But that’s just not you. You’ve held out this long, but are you overlooking real potential? If you’ve kept a couple of guys around that didn’t meet the criteria on the first try, give them another look.

7. You’re Waiting for Someone Worthy

You probably think pretty highly of yourself — you’re reading this article after all — and you’re waiting to find a man that’s on your level or better. You’ve got your own place, your own car, a stable career, and your bills paid, so you want someone who can say the same. You’ve met way too many men living with their ex — or even living with their kid’s mom — and they assure you she’s cool, and you’ve met a handful of men more established — only problem is, they either treated you like you were replaceable or they treated you as inferior. It’s a tough balancing act, and you’re not down to play those games. 

6. You’re Too Busy Living Life

A lot of women are living life in the fast lane without realizing it, and you may be one of them. If you’re steadily spending your nights in the clubs and bars, grinding away at building your brand, attending tons of networking events — or networking Zooms — to make business connections, and planning your next girls’ trip you’re likely not spending much time trying to find the man you’ve been waiting for. You may not have to change up your entire life, but if you want to find a man, you’ve got to be intentional about it.

5. You’re Too Focused on Your Career

You’ve been told women can do anything, and you ran with it. You’ve gone to college, you’ve got a decent job, and you’re steadily trying to build up your side hustle — where’d you go wrong? You love what you do, but who’s at home loving you? They always said that it’d be lonely at the top, and that couldn’t be more true for successful women. The higher you climb, the harder it is to find a man that’s on your level and still single. It’s practically a catch 22.

4. Your Friends Are Single Too

Once one of your girlfriends gets a new boo, they move different, meanwhile you and the musketeers are steady fighting off Saturday’s hangover with mimosas at Sunday brunch. You and the girls are inseparable, and if a man can’t keep up then he’ll be left behind. How are your single friends going to help you find the man of your dreams? 

3. Guys Don’t Want Commitment Anymore

Yes they do. There’s literally millions of Black men that want commitment. If you’re looking for love, and only finding duds, consider where you’re looking. Men don’t go to the club looking for a wife, and Tinder isn’t any better. Your bio may say you’re not interested in hookups, but the meat market is the meat market. If you can’t find men that want to commit, you may want to reconsider where you’re looking.

2. You’re Pretty Intimidating

You’ve built up this strong, independent persona and you’ve got the confidence of Kanye West circa 2008. These traits may be great for growing your career and building up walls to keep you from getting hurt, but they likely don’t work well with attracting a man. I’m not saying drop the confidence and find your knight in shining armor, but I am saying that even the strongest men don’t want to compete at home. Even emotionally available men are more interested in women that can be vulnerable. Oftentimes, overly confident women treat interactions with men as a burden, a transaction, or a challenge and it doesn’t take men long to guess which one they fall under. When men know their place with you, they don’t usually try to change it, but they will tell other men about your perceived demeanor. 

1. You’re Tired of Dating Duds 

Refer to the previous points as to why you may not have found the one. Think of it like buying a car: You walk into the dealership (your dating circle), and you want a car (boyfriend). They’ve got 1,000 cars (single men). You want one that’s newer (closer to your age), so now there’s 750. Of those, you want a coupe (no kids), so now there’s 350. Of those, you want yours to have an automatic transition (stable income), Bluetooth connectivity (dresses well), push to start (over 6’ tall) and black paint (race). By now, you’ve narrowed down that 1,000 to about 12. The challenge then is finding those 12 in the dealership lot. figure out if you’re getting a Mazda Miata or Nissan 350Z, and if your vision matches your reality.

BONUS: You’re Not Actually Ready

Are you ready to wake up to the same person for the rest of your life? Are you ready to spend less time in the bars and clubs and more time finding new ways to have fun? Getting into a serious relationship doesn’t have to be dull, but it often does mean change. This comes down to whether or not you’ve had your fill of the single life. If you have, and you’re still trying to find the right guy, then it’s time to start socializing with intention — but we’ll cover that another time.