10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Get a Boyfriend

A serious relationship can make a world of difference — but are you really ready for one? It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s a compromise that’ll move you along in the right direction. And if it’s done right, it may only have to be done one last time. If you think you’re ready for forever, ask yourself these questions first.

10. Are You Happy With You?

Before you embark on a new relationship, you’ve got to love yourself fully, and on your own. There’s no substantial way to make another person happy long-term when you’re still working on yourself. And likewise, hoping to gain fulfillment from another person is a recipe for disaster. Before you jump into the relationship, take time to find yourself — what your passions are, accepting your flaws, and understanding your strengths and weaknesses. If you’re still working on any of these, then chances are, now’s not the best time for a relationship. In the words of J Cole, “Love yourself, girl, or nobody will.”

9. What’s Your 5 Year Plan?

For women, this one’s often a tough one, because all too often the answer is contingent on having a successful and serious relationship — something not particularly in your control. Take a moment and let your mind explore what the future can hold for you, and what pieces of the picture best meet your vision. Do you see yourself working with the same company? Changing careers? Changing cities? Or are you still stuck fantasizing about traveling, eating and getting bent over balconies? You don’t have to have the entire plan mapped out, but it’s important to consider where a relationship plays into it.

8. Where Are You Within Your Career?

If you’re not comfortable with where you are in the workforce, a new relationship may not be the move. Reasons being, that lack of professional security could create underlying insecurities within the relationship, especially if your potential partner is a higher earner. Money may not be the root of this evil — different careers come with different incomes — but if you start to lean on him for financial support, you could be on the highway to heartbreak. Likewise, if you’re well focused on career advancement, you could find yourself finding the right guy at the wrong time because you aren’t able to give the relationship the time it deserves. Look inside yourself and see where your priorities lie.

7. What Matters Most?

Take these factors and rank them from most important to least: money, love, sex, faith, family, and location. Which of these are you willing to compromise on in order to capitalize on the others? And how would you handle a partner that sees things differently? A major part of a relationship’s foundation depends on knowing what’s most important to both (or all) parties involved. Maybe your special someone doesn’t have to have a 6-figure income. Would you be willing to relocate? Are you both on the same page when it comes to children? Knowing where you stand firm and where you’re willing to waiver can tell you pretty quickly if you’re ready to make things official.

6. Where is Home for You?

Long-distance relationships are tough, but not impossible. It may come as a surprise, to find that a 2018 study conducted by KIIROO found that nearly 60% of long-distance relationships last long-term. This survey also showed that the lack of physical intimacy was the biggest challenge of long-distance love (66%), with 31% saying they missed sex the most. So, knowing what matters most to you can play a big role for both parties. On the other hand, if you’re willing to make the move or import your boyfriend, have a good idea of whether you’re a city girl or if you prefer more open spaces as well as what your potential partner wants.

5. Are You Playing for the Ring?

Simply put, marriage ain’t for everybody. It can be a great path, especially if you intend to — or already — have children, as growing up in a two-parent home drastically increases the probability of high quality of life for children into adulthood. Either way, it’s an important base to cover within yourself and with potential partners, so as to avoid irreconcilable differences before they come up. If marriage is the aim of the game for you, understand that you’ll be dealing with a thinner dating pool — and that’s ok. Quality beats quantity.

4. Plan A or Plan B?

If you don’t already have one of your own, then you may not have given much thought to actually having kids, and if you’re looking for long-term, this topic is bound to come up in the relationship. You may come to find that you and your partner have different views on children, whether that be when to start, how many to have, or if you want children at all. It may seem old-school or conservative to do actual family planning before you start one, but it will save countless headaches in the long run. You don’t want to find yourself having that conversation in a CVS.

3. Are You Ready to be Vulnerable?

Falling in love with the façade we all put on in the early stages is easy. Learning to love, and be loved, when you’re living as your full authentic self is harder. Being ready for a relationship means being able to commit, to be emotional, to be open, and to be vulnerable — and truth be told, most people aren’t ready for real love because that level of honesty is scary. As one chick-flick put it, “It’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard, and [you’re] gonna have to work at this every day.” After the rainbows and butterflies of the honeymoon phase fade away, are you ready to throw it all on the table and risk the possibility of rejection? If not, then reconsider your relationship.

2. What’s Your Type?

It’s hard enough for women to decide what they want to eat, let alone what type of guy they want to be with — either way, be mindful of what you’re putting in your body. Do you want your man to be career-driven? Does he need to be a family man? It’s about much more than just his height and length (even though both may be important to you). Know who it is you’re looking for before you decide to connect for the sake of being in a relationship. A guy may be a good catch, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good match. If you find yourself having to turn down a good one, try to do so with tact. Reassure him of his quality, but explain that he’s just not your type. I give this tip for two reasons: If he accepts the rejection, there’s a better chance that he won’t present a jaded version of himself to the next woman (hurt people hurt people), and if he doesn’t accept the rejection then he’s shown that he doesn’t respect your boundaries — major red flag — and you’ll save your inner-peace knowing you didn’t allow him in to disrupt it.

1. Are You Ready to Settle Down?

How does waking up to the same person for the rest of your life sound? Will you be content not going to the clubs and bars as often? Can you accept the idea of not having those first date jitters ever again? Getting into a serious relationship doesn’t have to be dull, but it often does mean learning to have fun in different ways. Do you want to be bent over the balcony by the same guy that leaves dirty dishes in the sink or by the sensual stranger you met on your girls’ trip? A lot of this question boils down to whether or not you feel like you’ve had your fill of the single life. If you have, then it could be time to explore more serious options.

Hopefully, these tips help you find happiness in the long run if you decide you’re ready for a boyfriend. Let me know what you think in the comments section below.