How To Help Your Partner Through Tough Times

During your marriage vows, you promised to be there for your partner for better or worse. However, when your partner is going through a tough time, it can sometimes be hard to determine how you should show up for them or what you can do to support them, especially if they are unlikely to ask for help directly.

With that in mind, here are some tips that you might find useful when helping your partner navigate their way through a difficult time in their life. 

Be their shoulder to cry on.

While you may be keen to find a solution to their problem or to take their pain away, your partner does not expect this of you. They do not expect you to have all of the answers - they just expect you to be there, holding their hand throughout. As such, the easiest and most effective way to support your partner through a tough time, whether they are dealing with grief or anxiety, is to simply be their shoulder to cry on.

Let them know that you are always there to listen or to sit in silence together if they don’t feel like speaking. More often than not, simply being present is enough.

Be their safe space. 

During this time, it is important that you become your partner’s safe space. This means that you should allow them to open up about anything and everything that is troubling them without passing judgment. For example, it may be that you do not agree with every decision that they made that landed them in their current scenario - but you sharing this with them will not change the outcome or make the current situation any better. In fact, it would likely drive a wedge between you or make things worse.

Non-judgemental support, however, will make your partner feel safe and supported. It means that you can begin to move on from whatever is troubling them together, as a unit 

Find them the support they need. 

While you may be willing to move mountains when supporting your partner, sometimes there’s only so much you can do. In some cases, they may need more specialized support and guidance in order to be able to recover and grow.

For example, if your partner is currently dealing with addiction, PTSD, or similar struggles, then they may benefit from attending a va inpatient rehab. Here, they’ll be able to work with a range of healthcare personnel and mental health professionals, who will help them take their first steps toward recovery. Not only does this give them the clean slate they are looking for, but once their treatment plan is complete, they’ll also have developed a range of coping mechanisms and techniques that will come in handy moving forward. 

Alternatively, you may wish to put your partner in touch with a local therapist who specializes in issues similar to those they are currently dealing with. For example, if they are dealing with the loss of a loved one, a grief counselor can help them to work through their complex emotions. Alternatively, if they are having issues within your relationship, you may want to look into couples counseling for the betterment of your marriage.  

If your partner is facing financial struggles, be that due to poor debt management or having lost their job, putting them in touch with a financial planner can also prove to be beneficial. This can help them regain control over their finances while also improving their financial literacy and taking a significant weight off their shoulders.

Either way, it is important to remember that helping your partner through a tough time is not something you have to do entirely alone. You have a support system around you who would be happy to lend a hand, and beyond that, there are many resources in place designed to help you both during this time. Make the most of these resources! 

Encourage them to ask others for advice.

If your partner is not yet ready to seek out professional help for their problems, this does not mean they cannot benefit from speaking to other people aside from yourself. For example, it could well be that another friend or family member has encountered similar struggles, meaning that a candid conversation with them could give your partner a sense of direction or peace moving forward.

For example, if your partner is dealing with grief after the loss of a loved one, speaking to other grieving family members about how they are feeling or sharing happy memories of the dearly departed can be very healing. 

Alternatively, if they have recently lost their job, turning to others for advice and guidance can help them to get back on the career ladder once again. For example, it could be that a friend or family member is able to put them forward for a job, or someone you know could help to refine their CV so they are more likely to impress whenever they send in an application.

Either way, sharing how they are feeling with others and asking for advice in any form is a great way to improve the situation. Let your partner know that while it can be difficult to open up, the benefits of doing so far outweigh those of staying quiet. 

Carry their load.

When going through a tough time, even getting out of bed can feel like a struggle. As such, you could support your partner during this time by helping them with their day-to-day tasks and duties that they may otherwise struggle to complete.

For example, if you’ve noticed that their car is untidy, you could take the time to clear out the mess on their behalf. Alternatively, you could help them work their way through their email inbox or with other forms of admin. Either way, these relatively simple tasks will help your partner to feel calmer and more relaxed. After all, it means that they will be faced with much less stress in their day-to-day lives so that they are able to focus on getting better.

If you are not sure where to begin when helping your partner in this regard, ask them outright if there are any tasks they are struggling with or if there is anything they would like for you to take off their hands. If they are unwilling to relinquish control entirely, offer to do these tasks together. This way, they are not falling behind but don’t have to face them alone, either.

Encourage them to take time for themselves.

Many of those going through a tough time will try to continue with “business as normal” for as long as possible. This is because doing so gives them the chance to ignore what is happening or to pretend that it isn’t happening at all. While at first, this may seem like an effective coping strategy, it will only allow the issue to worsen. 

As such, it is important that you encourage them to take time for themselves when you notice that they are struggling. While they may be unwilling to take time off work, no paycheck is worth their mental health or well-being. 

Take care of yourself, too.

Your partner is likely your first priority in life, which means you will go above and beyond to care for them when they are struggling. However, it is equally crucial that you take care of yourself during this time, too. 

There are many reasons for this. Firstly, seeing your loved one struggling is distressing within itself, which leaves you vulnerable to your own mental health struggles. For example, you may find that your own stress and anxiety levels are heightened during this time. If you are not able to manage these feelings effectively, you will find it harder and harder to show up for your partner. 

As such, while you should strive to be there for your partner as much as possible, and to provide them with consistent support during troubling times, you should make sure that you are always showing up for yourself. Make time in your routine for self-care and wellness, whether you’re speaking to a therapist or catching up with your friends. 

Final Thoughts. 

When your partner is struggling, the desire to help them recover is almost instinctive. After all, this is the person you have chosen to spend your life with, meaning that you only want what is best for them.

Fortunately, there are many different ways in which you can begin to support your partner, whether they are dealing with financial struggles or a more personal mental health battle. This means that, while they may feel that way to begin with, they are never truly alone.

While you may feel that you are not doing enough, remember that simply being there is making the world of difference. It shows your partner that you are a consistent source of support in good times and bad, and this within itself can help them get back on track.