Somebody great once said if you do what you’ve always done then you’ll get what you’ve always got, and the same can be said for dating. If you’ve been looking for long-term and only finding fair weather flings or toxic situationships, you may need to change your approach. If you want a relationship that lasts, consider these seven tips to get you on the right path.

7. Face Your Fears

Before you invite someone into your life, know where your fears and insecurities hide. You may say that you’re ready for commitment, but if you find yourself constantly giving your energy and attention to people that aren’t, then you could be subconsciously sabotaging yourself because on some level you may be afraid of actual commitment to someone. Do some self-reflection and really examine the things that you fear in romance, and face them.

6. Don’t Wait for “The One”

The not-so-fun truth is, chances are there’s not a perfect match for you — and you’re not a perfect match for anyone either. Spoiler alert, sorry not sorry. A relationship takes growth and change. If you and your partner aren’t shaping each other into better versions of yourselves, what are you doing? Learn to have a more flexible approach to relationships, and don’t sabotage an opportunity by burdening a potential partner with the weight of your expectations. Keeping this in mind, get out of your comfort zone and get to know potential partners. Let them show you who they really are instead of looking for them to be who you think they should be.

5. Change Your Type

This one’s easier said than done, but it can be done. If you look at your romantic track record, would you find any recurring motifs? There may be obvious themes — height, race, body-type, etc. — but if you, and maybe a close friend or two, do some real analysis you may find more subtle similarities. Maybe you’ve only dated fixer-uppers, or you tend to fall for the God-fearing facade only to be left behind when they decide to get caught up in the rapture with someone else. Whatever the case may be, don’t be afraid to change things up and date outside your comfort zone.

4. Be What you Want to Attract

It’s often said that we must be the change we want to see in the world, and the same can be said about dating. As you embark on the quest for love, start by being honest with yourself and assessing whether or not you have the traits that match what you hope to attract. For example: if you want a partner that has an amazing body, ask yourself how they likely created their physique — a balanced and healthy diet, a dedication to the gym, and maybe a good sleep schedule. Do you have those things? If not, what are you doing to attract individuals that do — and what have you been attracting up to this point?

3. Don’t Play the Blame Game

When things fall apart — and they often do — it’s natural to internalize things and blame yourself. “If I were more this, then maybe things would have worked out.” “I was too that, and that’s why they left.” This negative inner voice will often lead you down a dark path of trying to meet the expectations of someone that’s not even around anymore. On the other hand, placing all of the blame on them can be just as bad. Being able to reflect on the facts will allow you to be accountable to yourself and take ownership of the things you did right and the things you did wrong. When done right, this makes it easier to identify your personal thrive and strive breakdown.

2. Stop Ignoring Red Flags

This sounds simple enough, but it’s nearly inevitable. People will ignore the reg flags for the right pretty face, bangin’ body, or material appeal they might present. Stop that. It’s normal to give someone the benefit of the doubt from time to time, but if an issue presents itself more than once then it should be addressed. Communication is key, because what may be a red flag for you may not be an issue to them or it could be something that they could change to accommodate your time together, but if there is no attempt to improve then it’s likely time to move on. Remember, those red flags are red flags for a reason — saving you getting hurt.

1. Ditch the Baggage of the Past

If you’ve had your share of heartbreaks, then there’s a good chance that you’re carrying some of that with you into dating now. Whether it’s fear of benign cheated on, being lied to, one-sided romance, bringing this baggage with you will make you come off as jaded and aggressive. Don’t sabotage a potential good thing by assuming everybody is going to treat you the same way. Don’t block your blessing fighting battles from an old war.